Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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