My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize