Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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