She is in my trunk
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
