he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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