If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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