I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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