Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
