we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
