I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
