eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
