He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
