i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
