Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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