my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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