At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
