I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
