Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
