is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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