sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
