Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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