I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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