Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
