I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
