put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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