I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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