Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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