Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
