pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
