Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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