I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
