he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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