I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Someone signed my nipple.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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