soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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