On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have post one night stand depression
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