Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
