Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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