Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
