Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
