God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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