Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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