you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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