I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
