doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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