He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
