It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
