I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
3pm strippers are depressing
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
