I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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