Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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