i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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