he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
