Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
