I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
