he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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