You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
