I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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