his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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