Your mouth is God's brothel.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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