I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize
