so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
