Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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